- “You really impressed me when…”
Focusing on specific actions or events can be even more powerful. It means that you’re not only thinking abstractly but offering proof that things the other person does provoke positive reactions. It’s the difference between saying that a comedian was really funny and quoting one of his or her best jokes. (Other versions: “You handled that well when you turned that client’s objection into an opportunity” or “It was really cool to see how you parallel-parked that car into that tiny spot.”)
- “I believe in you.”
People have self-doubts. You do, I do, we all do. (Heck, every time I write a column here — and this is number 167, by the way— I wonder how people will react.) When others simply say they believe in you, however, it becomes easier to believe in yourself.
Here’s an analogy. Have you ever gotten into lifting weights, or simply watched people do it? It’s amazing how the slightest bit of assistance from a spotter — with force equal to the weight of a pencil — can help someone lift far more weight than he could on his own. It’s the same concept here — just that small expression of confidence can push people to achieve more — and then to be thankful for the help.
- “Look how far you’ve come!”
It is so important to celebrate achievements. This doesn’t mean you have to throw a party, but even acknowledging that someone’s efforts have achieved results can be extremely gratifying for the person.
Of course, heck, if you want to take things to the extreme, throw a party. Just be sure that you’re the one buying the first round and singing the loudest.
Tell someone you believe in them.Flickr / mrhayata
- “I know you’re capable of more.”
Everyone needs to be pushed at times, especially when we fall short. If you care about people, you’re going to be called on sometimes to be a bit of a coach, or maybe to employ a bit of tough love. Even the most steadfast and confident among us sometimes need a friend to guide them to a better way of acting.
The late, great NFL coach Vince Lombardi put this best: “Leadership is getting someone to do what they don’t want to do, to achieve what they want to achieve.” Nobody does anything great alone, so be the one standing by to help, and you’ll inspire positivity and gratitude.
- “I’d like to hear your thoughts about…”
Everyone likes to think that his or her opinions matter, and of course they do — sometimes. However, this kind of invitation to share what someone thinks can’t help making the person feel just a tiny bit more self-worth, which in turns creates both happiness and positive feelings toward you. Just be sure to be sincere; don’t just say this for the sake of saying it. Make sure that you are truly interested in whatever subject you’re asking about and listen actively.